its amazing that even after coming to peace with the fact that i dont believe in the divinity of Jesus, that seeing other people who believe in it so whole heartedly i can feel broken. like there is a peace missing.  i dont know that i want to be one those people who hollers things out during church, or waves my arms around like a crazy person but it is a little disconcerting to be surrounded by people who dont see things the same way that i do. it makes me wish i had a congregation who understood God's great power but who understands Jesus as a really fabulous person, not a divine being. it almost seems like Jesus is a better person for being able to have so much strength as a human.

gratitude.

today my jak celebrates his 8th birthday while he is away at camp. i am truly grateful to God for him, and to all of my children. All 5 of them. Even the two whom i have never met, and whom we dont enjoy here, have taught me so much.

other people in my life have taught me alot as well, some i can thank, and others i no longer talk to. Sometimes you have to make a clean break and walk away but when you have only dated a few people, or have only had a few friends you remember those faces, and its better if you can remember the good with the bad. there are reasons that you spent time with these people, why you let them in to your circle. music is a serious part of my life because i dated some one who had a love of music, it was always on, and much of it  i had never heard of, but it has come full circle has pops up later on. It is what it is, there is little we can do to change it.