sometimes you ask for advice expecting to have your feelings affirmed and for everything to be okay. when that doesnt happen it is painful. acknowledging that i dont believe that Jesus was the son of God, and that he did not rise from the dead took me a long time, saying it out loud took even longer. i dont understand how other folks think that this is going to change. i am tired of lying to people, tired of having my family think that i am this holy person that i am not. and i am tired of hearing that if i keep hanging on it will come back around. how come my faith return if it wasnt really there to begin with